Monday, February 9, 2009

At the Well - Questioning the motives


Ask yourself these questions:

Do you go to church to fulfill an obligation?
Do you get involved to get a reaction from someone;
possibly pity, recognition or even money?
Do you volunteer in your child’s classroom to analyze the new teacher or is it to help?
Do you share prayer requests for a chance to gossip or because you truly care and are praying?


This is why I have to do consecration everyday and every time. Sometimes those questions come up in my mind. Do I really serve with a pure heart or I just want to get someone’s attention?

Consecration is not a simple thing. I sometimes afraid to do it because I feel that I am not able to do it. I am not spiritual. I am not a good girl. Even I can’t keep my promises. I sometimes runaway and I sometimes hide. Well, this is me. A simple complicated person.

I once have this experience where a committee ask me to help them to be a master of ceremony. Actually that was not a master of ceremony, but it was exactly a ceremony division. So, I tried hard to do it. I didn’t want to disappoint the other crew. I tried to make everything great. I tried to get many unique idea of the event.

Unfortunately something happened. They ignore me and pretend that I was not one of them. They asked my help and they ignored me. It broke my heart a lot. I cried and cried. I asked God, why they did this to me. What kind of child was that? I couldn’t receive this. They insulted me. I couldn’t stand for this. My heart was crying as they are meeting for the event.

Then God suddenly whispered to me. “Hey, I know what you have done. Why do you cry? I see it. I see every effort you make and I know it exactly how you do it. What makes you cry? Is it because of them?”

OH MY GOD!

I am longing for people’s attention. I am not looking for God’s presence but I am thirsty for others attention. I am such a ..... (I can’t say it)

I was ashamed. I didn’t know what to do. I prayed and told Him everything. I apologized for everything but I also thankful for everything. He is good and forever He will be. So how is it now?

I don’t care what others will say about me. All I am looking is God’s presence. Even people say bad things about me, God Himself will judge them. I don’t want to be involved in those judgment. Sometimes I feel hurt because how they treat me and my family. But them I realize that God sees everything. He knows everything. He knows whether I do something just to get people’s attention. He knows whether I do something is to please Him. He knows everything.

I used to be afraid of people because I feel like I am living in a minority. But then He said that His love is fair. He loves people not because they are smart. He loves people not because they are rich. He loves people because He, Himself is love. What could beat Him? Love conquers. And I? I am the part of His love. No more judgment. No more envy. No more heartbreaking attitude. Just leave it to Him and let Him be in charge.


regards,


18 comments:

Chris said...

thanks for sharing :)

Peb[Z] said...

Nice posting :)

Joyfull said...

Wow, isn't is wonderful when God speaks and gives us a brand new outlook? Thanks for sharing today.

Tony said...

post a comment :D

Yolanda said...

Pure motives are simply THE BEST, aren't they? Because He pours His love into us, we can then love with a right and correct heart, if we only will. Lord, may it be so.

Bless you!

JesusRulzMe said...

Hello dearest Devita,

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. Experiences like that are very painful.

I too am thankful that God loves us, not b/c of us, but b/c of Jesus Christ, who died for our sins - and when we repent (turn away from our sins and turn to God, hate our sins and love God and all His ways), then we become new creations in Christ and are no longer enemies with God, but now we have peace with Him through the shed blood and sacrifice of His holy Son.

Bless you,
Sunny

Laurie Ann said...

Bless you for your honesty and transparency. May God's love continue to shine through you as you grow in Him.

Melanie said...

What an honest and open post. It is only important what God thinks and what God knows is in our hearts. Thanks for sharing today.

Jenny said...

No, I do not go to church. I do not believe in God nor Jesus.
I visited two big churches because of its architecture.

LAURIE said...

Devita, thank you for joining me in this topic of having pure motives before God. It is hard when people come against us but in the end I always have to ask myself "Did God get glory from this..." He is the One that I want to please not others. Glad that you shared you thoughts today AT THE WELL, I was encouraged by your words. -God bless, Laurie

Lisa said...

Having the right perspective can change everything.

Bellar said...

Nice sharing ...,
God will still exist eventhough nobody's remember Him.
'Lam kenal ... !

Rebecca said...

It's true that it is hard to live solely for God's approval and not the acceptance of people. But it is true freedom to find our worth in Him alone. What a great post!

Jenifer said...

"He loves people because He is love." That is beautiful! Thanks for sharing with us today.

Blessings to you.

Jiewa said...

I don’t care what others will say about me
Yapp.. that's right. Yg paling penting, Tuhan tau kok pekerjaan kita :)

June said...

Great meeting with you at the Well. I think it
is so wonderful when sisters can share their
hearts, thank you for sharing yours.

June

Henry Hongdoyo said...

Very touching post...

Fida Abbott said...

I like this posting Devita.
Yes, sometimes you feel absurds what you are doing but you should thank something has reminded.

Your Siser in PA

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