What do you think about Miracle? I used to be skeptical to this. I used to think that the people who tell their miracles were not real. I used to think that all of them were fake. Until I realized that miracles is happened to me. Until I realized that miracles is not miracles. Confused? Read my story below.
I finished my college last month and it really took me one and a half year to accomplish it. It was not because I wasn’t able to do it (because someone told me that I am able to do it) but it was because me, myself, thought that I can not do it. At all!
Then the day came when I really tried to runaway from the thesis. I hate my thesis and I always tried to find the best way to avoid it. I knew that I had to finish my study. I knew that I had to finish what I have started. I knew it. I only knew it, but I did not want to do it. I stuck. I stopped. And the worst thing is, my lectures were also stopping guiding me.
I was in deep depression at that moment. It was not because my lecturers, who did not want to see me. It was because my mind and my heart were not in the same idea. My mind said that I had to do that while my heart said no way.
My lecture once ever said, “If you walk, I will run. If you run, I will run faster. But if you stop, I will standoff”. The fact was, I stopped. So, the conclusion is. He was standoff. I realized it. I knew it. But I could not wake up from that dream. I could not face it. I was afraid and It was a nightmare for me. “There is no such thing like miracles”, that’s what I think.
Mr Sexy had always support me and so did my parents. I just could not bear it. I always said, “yes I will do it” But I finally trapped in my internet, blogging here and there and forgot about it. I was really silly. It was a ridiculous triangle of depression, dread and traumatic. It was really stupid, but I stood still.
Then the day came when my lecture suddenly called me on my mobile phone. The first thing came out from my mouth was, “O gosh! He calls me! What should I do?!” I was talking to Mr. Sexy - my boyfriend – at that moment and he said, “Then pick up the phone!” It was a dreadful moment for me. What should I say to that lecture? I had no progress. I did not do anything since the first time I met him. That was crazy. This is not a hyperbolic condition. When you have a traumatic experience, sometimes a phone call could be a monster for you.
So I picked up the phone. He asked me to meet him the next day and he also asked me to bring my thesis. I was scared to death. What should I bring? What should I report? I had nothing. I whispered on myself. “God, I am sorry, please help me”. Then nothing happened. I went to my computer and typed as fast as possible and thought about anything as fast as possible. I was hoping that I would finish the thesis in one night. But I failed. I did not finish it.
The next day when I met him, I did not bring the thesis, because I realized that I did not have any progress. I tried to negotiate. I told him to make a new appointment the next day. I did this so that I could have more time to add something on my thesis essay. He seemed do not understand and he still wanted to talk. I was really scared. “No, this is not happening! Someone, save me please!” My heart cried a lot but I really had to meet him. I could not runaway again this time.
Then I met him and talked as fast as possible. He understood it. I did not know why, but he said, “Okay, keep up the good work and continue your research”. My heart was whispering to me “What? Is that all? You could not sleep last night and he only said that simple sentences”
I did not really know what had just happened but it seems that sentences gave me more power to do the research again. I went home thankfully and I reach my keyboard. I typed and typed until I was tired then I stopped. Realizing that I had made a good progress, I continued my job.
Short story, I finally submit the thesis and I go to the examination. I know there was many weaknesses in my thesis but my lectures said, “Pray first, no one would realize what would happen on the examination room” I prayed many times, hoping that everything would be okay. I entered the room.
There were four lecturers there who examined me and they were all good and smart.
I was scared but then I prayed before I explained my research. I prayed to God for the examination. I prayed for the lecturers and I prayed for myself. I asked God to keep me strong for every decision they made. I tried to explain and answer as good as possible. There were many confrontations between each lecturer. I was really scared but then I felt peace in my heart since I remembered that God is with me all the time.
They asked me to go out. They discussed for about five minutes and asked me to enter the room again. The first lecture asked me, “Ika, what do you think? Will you pass this exam?” I said, “I have no clue, mam”. Then she said, “Well, of course there are several things need to be revised from this thesis, but this is not a serious problem and we know that you can do it” I held my breath. No! I could not breathe.
The last sentences which really made me cry a river is when they said, “You’ve passed this exam, congratulations!” I passed.... wait.. I passed? O God! I made it! No! You made it God! Thank you very much. I cried and cried in happiness. One and a half and it was really worth it. I did not ask my grade, I just thanked them many times and my counsellor said, “Congratulations! Call your dad. He must be very nervous right now”. I called my dad and I could feel his happiness too.
One of the lectures who examined my thesis came out and said, “Ika, do you know your score?” I said, “No mam, I am really grateful that I passed this. My score is just a bonus”. Then she said, “You got B+” Oh my God. I was really thankful. The bonus is really great! I never thought that i would get those mark. Passing the examination is a gift, getting the B+ is a bonus, and I am really thankful for it.
I will be graduated at February, 28th next month. It is my father’s birthday. I think I give the best gift for him since I know that he had been praying for me for all of these times. Thank you Dad and Mom, I love you both.
So, what is miracle? Miracle is not a glance of light which is spawned from the sky by someone and creating everything better for us. Miracle is not a money fall from the tree and hit our head. Miracle is not flying in the sky and seeing all of those white things. For me, miracle is when God makes everything’s right on His way by placing us in a process which we have to face and get through it. Miracle is not running away from the problems and finding the other door to another world with no problems. Miracle is not a finished hard covered thesis sent from the heaven. Miracle is when we trust God and His way and let Him do it to our life. What is miracle for you?